I heard last night on "60 Minutes" from a c-r-r-r-a-z-y but brilliant stock junkie on CNBC named Cramer that the real-estate bubble will soon be bursting, just like the dot.coms did a few years ago. So, sell that North Idaho dirt while you can, if you're hoping to bag some of those big bucks without racks that keep bouncing around Sandpoint.
Or, if you want to strike out on a unique venture all your own and keep your house, I've got a hot deal for you. The next time I receive an urgent notice from Mr. Baslov Slobovsky from Russia or Mrs. Whochewchoochoo of Upper Niger, I'll send it your way.
Until this morning, those monster accounts of millions that needed some poor sucker in the United States to turn over a checking-account number generally came from Africa where corrupt governments seem to tumble faster than Viagra Falls.
This morning, however, I could have signed up to receive a 1.8 percent return while managing 150 million dollars, in my checking account, for some guy named Baslof Slobovsky. A Mr. Andrei Sleeznof wrote to me, as the middle man in this financial deal, telling me how this money had been frozen because of a corrupt official, in the equally corrupt government of Vladimir Putin. Apparently, Baslof's been thrown in the gulag. All I had to do was contact Andrei, and he'd set up the deal where I'd caretake the money and rack up my own millions of bucks off the management fee.
I was figuring that would amount to about nearly $3,000,000 a year, which is much better than my teaching retirement. And, of course, I was tempted because of the new twist. Certainly there must be something valid to this if it came from Russia and not Zaire, I thought.
And, besides I'm guessing by now, that most of that African money from Mrs. Whochewchoochoo has already made its way to U.S. bank accounts. After all, I've heard from Mrs. W. at least three times in the last two years. For one brief second, I almost bit and sent off a reply to Andrei to sign me up.
But then I remembered a similar letter that arrived from the Netherlands last week and thought I'd better take a more cautious approach before turning over my checking-account number to the Russians. I had quickly deleted the Dutch letter and didn't really look at the potential returns it promised. Shoulda checked it out.
I'm thinking it's probably a good idea to collect a few more of these letters and compare notes carefully. Maybe I could have an accountant help me make the big decision. One time, years ago, a yearbook company representative chastised me for signing up with his competition by saying, "You need to learn not to take the first cube of sugar that comes along."
So, I'm living by that motto with these money offers and will closely examine the options before taking the plunge. In the meantime, I'm happy to share news of the potential wealth with anyone who wants to give this method of getting rich for doing nothing a try.
Just send me your email address, and I'll gladly forward all future letters that arrive in my inbox. In return, I'll assess you a nominal sender's fee, which can easily be transferred if you just send me your checking-account number.
And since the dirt bubble's gonna burst, maybe some realtors around here would be interested in hearing from Mrs. Whochewchoochoo or Mr. Sleeznof.