Our ticket to David Letterman

Willie's not nearly as thrilled as I am. I don't know why. I've perfected a "Smart Pet Trick" that could easily make it on the "David Letterman Show." David Letterman has always been one of Willie's heroes because he's an average guy who made it good. So, I just can't understand why my son frowns every time I suggest we sign up for our 15 seconds of fame and his chance to meet one of his role models.

The "Smart Pet Trick" involves Willie's bare feet, a newspaper, the couch and a dog---whom I'd never classify as "stupid." Newspaper-reading time is always a special bonding time at our house when three of us share the two morning papers. Bill usually reads the previous day's paper until I finish my daily commentary on stuff I read in the Daily Bee. I always quickly scan the sports section of the Spokesman before Willie gets up, cuz I know he'll stare at me if it's not there for him to grab once his pop tart's ready.

Eventually, most of us in the living room are engrossed in the morning's print news. One of us, however, is looking for some action. That would be Kiwi. She can sit lovingly with her head in my lap for just so long. So, when she hears Willie coming down the hall, she knows good times are ahead. She eagerly greets him with her big smile as he makes his way through the kitchen to grab a bite to eat; then, she follows him, just like a puppy dog, to the living room.

All the time, Willie's nicely urging her to please stay off. She might comply for a second, but in her doggie life that's an eternity when you really love someone. So, Kiwi's morning routine demands that she immediately get back to her dog's work at demonstrating her best friendship to everyone in the house. From station to station, she moves nuzzling, wagging, smiling and hoping for one of us humans to drop what we're reading and join in on the fun.

Nobody wants to cooperate with her cuz there's news to read, so we all send her on her way to someone else. It was this sending her on her way that made me discover one of my smart dog's true talents. She loves to lick Willie's bare feet. Having made that observation a time or two, I decided it was time to verbalize to Miss Kiwi exactly what she was doing right when that wet, slimy tongue made its way over Willie's toes and soles.

So, one morning last week, it took only twice for me to announce, "Kiwi, go lick Willie's feet" for her to figure it all out. The first time, she stood next to the couch, thinking, for that eternal doggie second, about what I'd said, then looked around the room, ran straight to Willie and started licking.

"No-o-o, don't do that," he protested. Kiwi, though, as a smart dog, knows that Mom's commands supersede all others.

"Good dog, Kiwi," I'd announced. "Good dog."

We practiced a couple of times, and she had it down pat. Now---on command on any given day---I can announce, "Kiwi, go lick Willie's feet," and she immediately goes into action, with a great big smile, no less.

Willie's protests mean nothing to our smart dog. I've told him we could make the big time with this, and, still, he's not nearly as impressed as I am. I've been expecting that one of these mornings he'd come down that hallway with some socks on his feet.

I'm a bit sad, though, that Kiwi may forget her "Smart Pet Trick," because she's got only two more days to perfect it. Willie's last day at the Newport Miner is tomorrow. On Thursday, he'll be heading south to Boise to join Debbie and to search for a new job.

I have a feeling Kiwi and her loving tongue are going to miss him as much as we will. But we wish him well, and any time he wants to bring those toes back to Sandpoint, Kiwi will be happy to show him one more time just how much she loves him.

In the meantime, I'm thinking the "Cathead-in-the-Dog-Mouth" routine might have some potential for getting on the Letterman show. I've just got to convince Festus that he's really having a good time inside Kiwi's mouth.