Seven days and counting

Hooray for Lew Mulligan who wants to hear about pumpkins, the summer and the Bonner County Fair. Lew is not alone, although I'll admit to enjoying some good monthly dirt from Lawrence Fury and a frequent assessment or two from my friend Erik Daarstad who can't believe what's happening to his adopted community. I say to Erik, "Imagine what it's like for us dumb natives, if you think you're feeling bad."

Lew wrote a thoughtful, plain-spoken piece which appeared in the midst of all the "y'oughta's" in today's local letters-to-the-editor. His comments probably mirrored the vast majority of Bonner County citizens who are getting sick and tired of trying to avoid the eye pollution, noise pollution and telephone pollution of one of the most vindictive election campaigns I've ever witnessed. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does---from the bottom up.

Cathy McMorris has been killing veterans in hospital parking lots. One senator in Virginia is accusing a Senator wannabe of writing lurid, sleazy stuff in his NOVELS.

Butch Otter is NOT selling off Idaho as Jerry Brady claims.

Lewis Rich DID NOT HAVE sticky fingers with those Karl Dye signs on the Daily Bee paper machines.

"Oh yes, he did," David Keyes claims, based on evidence from Daily Bee spies strategically seated with hoods over their heads in cars with tinted windows, watching the machines around town.

And that Sali guy----he's a plain "frickin'" idiot (I've never used "frickin'" before; feels kinda good) and he's claiming abortion leads to breast cancer. That Micron guy is gonna get those San Francisco and New York liberals back in power.

Oh yeah, I forgot: Iz it Jerry Brady in Idaho or iz it that mustachey cowboy with all the kids and the loyal wife in Washington State----both THE TAX MEN---who plans to charge taxes for my funeral? I'll have to find out soon so I know where it's cheaper to die.

But then again, what difference does it make? They've told us from Day One that two things we can count on in life are Death and Taxes. With this new election-time claim, maybe the maxim needs to modified: The two things we can count on in life and IN DEATH are death and taxes. But then again, the redundance in that statement begs for some editing.

Speaking of editing, I'd like to do some to about 90 percent of the campaign ads. I'd like very much to have all candidates follow the model used by some folks for whom I plan to vote: The ads would go something like this:

• Here are my strengths . . . .

• This is what I'd like to do for you . . . .
• I would appreciate your support because if I am elected to office or am returned to office, I will strive to serve you to the best of my ability.
• I will continually communicate with my constituency.
• I will make difficult decisions when needed and will stand firmly behind those decisions.
• I will work professionally with other office holders--regardless of their party affiliation,--to do what's most sensible for the majority.
• I know that I cannot satisfy all the people all the time, but you can count on my consistently doing my job with professionalism and common sense.
• I will not stoop to childlike behavior toward my opponents no matter how low they go to smear and back stab me. You can count on me to take the high road no matter what.
• I thank you for your vote, and I hope to honor your faith in me by doing my job in a professional, nonpolitical manner.

A few office seekers this year have stuck to the above principles in the maze of slimy strategies employed by far too many candidates and their so-called "public relations" firms which keep insisting that negative campaigning works with the voters. I often wonder if these people feel proud when they see their sleazy, gutter-style attack ads playing over and over and over. Maybe it takes no conscience or self respect to get elected.

Nonetheless, in seven days it will all be over for a few months before an even more intense and nasty Presidential election leads the way in once again pounding into our heads what creeps we have running for public office.

For now, my votes go to the candidates who take the high road, and I'm really anxious to see who grew the best pumpkin in Bonner County.