Shopping drop-out

I don't claim the title of drop-out for too many things, but I'll proudly wear the crown when it comes to shopping. I go when needed and usually grab whatever's needed fast. Well, I must admit that trips to Yoke's can get lengthy at times, depending on how many locals are moving through the aisles on their grocery mission. If there's a glut of familiar faces, a 3-minute run to pick up chips, cheese or salad fixings can easily stretch into an hour. But that's my social life, so I don't mind.

Nonetheless, when it comes to getting up at 2 a.m. on the Friday after Thanksgiving to join the crowd of overfed, under-rested humanity pushing and shoving outside the Wal Mart door, you're never, ever gonna find me anywhere in the vicinity. And, that's definitely a situation where I can confidently say that never saying "never" is a certainty.

Why do people do this? What is so ingrained in their natures to think that their shopping efficiency will improve one iota by arriving in a dark, freezing parking lot that early in the day? How sharp can their mental faculties be after filling their stomachs with 10,000 calories, lounging around a living room for hours in a tryptophan stupor, and finally falling into bed with the alarm set for four hours later?


I can't imagine deriving any sense of fun from rising out of a deep winter's nap and standing outside in the cold shivering with a bunch of other crazy shoppers whose gastronomical systems are also fighting off turkey, gravy, potato, green bean, wine, turnip, rolls and jelly, cranberry, stuffing hangovers as they wait for those doors to open and hope they won't get tripped up in the stampede. From what I see on all the news reports indicating that this trend is fairly ubiquitous, I may be in the minority.

I used to be part of that crowd, albeit a little later in the day. There were times when I did look forward to the day after Thanksgiving when we'd pile in the car and go to Spokane like all the other shopping lemmings from throughout the Inland Northwest. It was fun to see who we'd spot on the "down" escalators in Northtown or University City while racing to the next floor on the "up" escalators.

There was also great anticipation of which food faire we'd hit in what mall come lunch time. Once there, money would be dolled out, and each person could go pick out their ethnic food of choice. Bill usually went to Ivar's Fish Bar, the kids preferred pizza, and I came back to the table with a plate filled with Chinese goodies.

In the really old days, when the kids were little, we'd go to the Davenport for lunch. I always loved walking the sidewalks of downtown Spokane admiring the Christmas light displays on the Bon and its surrounding stores. When the kids got a little older, we all enjoyed our annual sessions of trying on crazy hats and amusing ourselves by modeling each creation and checking out its effect in the Burlington Coat Factory mirrors.

All that was fun at one time, but it grew old just like I have. On a day like today, the thought of enjoying the new fallen snow and spending time with Annie as she figures out the outdoor Christmas lighting scheme is much more appealing than going anywhere near the masses of humanity. And, that's precisely what we're going to do with one exception.

Bill has just left with Willie and Debbie for the airport. Once he's dropped them off, he'll represent the family in the annual Black Friday free-for-all in Spokane. He still likes to shop, so I'm guessing he'll hit Sportsman's Warehouse, REI and the White Boots store, along with Costco. Somewhere in between, he'll pull into DICKS Hamburgers for some fish and chips and a chocolate shake. More than likely, he'll be lined up for some fresh Krispy Kremes in the Spokane Valley.

While he's doing that, we'll go to the Hoot Owl Restaurant to meet Carson Jeffres, his girlfriend Karen who are up from Northern California. After one of those 10,000 calorie breakfasts to top off last night's 10,000 calorie turkey feast, we'll go to Home Depot, fight the crowds and pick up some Christmas lights and decorations for the new Lovestead.

I don't mind doing that little bit of shopping because I know Annie will come up with some good ideas to add magic to the Christmas seasons for years to come.

Happy insanity, everyone, from a self-proclaimed shopping drop-out. And, GO ZAGS tonight at 4 p.m. on ESPN2 from Madison Square Garden: Gonzaga vs. Butler!