Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Let kids be kids


I think parents sometimes place so much emphasis on rearing smart kids that other dimensions important to surviving this life suffer. There, I said it. I made similar observations privately numerous times during in my life as a teacher, mainly because I witnessed the results of unrealistic expectations some parents set up for their kids. The consequences often lead to kids who turn into miserable adults.


I've also seen the negative results of kids being reminded at very impressionable ages how brilliant they are. Of course, they come to believe it, and, all too often, along their educational journey, they believe so much in their own brilliance that they shut out invaluable learning opportunities that could help them develop aspects of their being which aid in people skills, survival skills and general functionality in the world outside their protective family nests.


This morning I read a sentence in the paper where a parent predicted sure boredom for his child if the child's upcoming educational set-up at the school does not present the most ideal situation.

With all due respect, I believe that making such statements sets up a lot of room for failure. It's unfair and often insulting to teachers who have to work with these kids when such presumptive judgments are made, and it's unfair to impressionable kids who tend to believe everything they hear about themselves from Mom and Dad.


Throughout my career, some admittedly intelligent students would come along to my sophomore honors English class, sit on their hands and stagnate because they felt everything I offered in the class was "beneath them." After all, they were "gifted," and they believed that they deserved far better than anything I had to offer.

By the time these teens arrived in my class, they'd received such special treatment along the way that their arrogance formed a huge wall between them and the wonderful opportunities of growing up that existed in that classroom setting.
Being dubbed "gifted," in many cases, seemed to give these kids a license to be rude, unproductive and often isolated from the rest of their peers.

They may have been born with the tools, but they certainly weren't using them---all because they expected to be set on a pedestal and fawned upon rather than treated like any other human being. People survive because of manners and a sense of respect. They survive because they have developed a work ethic. They survive because of a variety of interpersonal tools, other than just an IQ.


I remember one student who did next to nothing in high school simply because he was sick and tired of his parents carefully fashioning him into their little robot who could spout out big words and read great books. Long about junior high, he rebelled and just about flunked out of high school---all because he just wanted to be a kid like his friends. He survived and has succeeded but only after several unnecessary years of dealing with hard times and failure. Most moms and dads want the best for their kids, but unfortunately all too often being overzealous and protective in the approach does more harm than good.


I say just let kids be kids. If they're truly gifted, as many great successes who went through my classes were, they'll discover what path they want to follow on their own. Granted, all kids need guidance, but they also should learn how to function in situations that some of us may deem less than ideal.

Dealing with these situations often breeds strength, ingenuity and enlightenment.
Possibly, if they're not reminded quite so often that they're little "prima donnas," they'll enjoy the freedom, the comfort and desire to explore a lot more avenues that provide an appropriate fit to their individual needs.

They'll also have the opportunity to incur a few bumps and bruises along the way and learn how to bounce back from adversity. And, in so doing, they'll develop all dimensions necessary to living as a productive, well-adjusted human being.

A few scraped knees and the right to be ordinary have allowed many of us in this big world to be "gifted" with happy lives and good memories. Besides, our purest desire for knowledge comes from the brilliance of finally realizing that we learn something from nearly every situation we encounter in life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wise advice this morning, Marianne.

Helen

Anonymous said...

I second your thoughts...wise advice, indeed.
Your admiring niece,
Maureen