You heard it here first

Warning: Any or all of this post could and should be deemed as light satire.

Dateline: Sandpit, ID: Bypass/Byway, whatever you want to call it, to begin construction next week.
Sandpoint Mayor Ray Miller sent out a news release late yesterday afternoon announcing that construction on the long disputed HWY 95 bypass around Sandpoint begins next week. Idaho Department of Transportation (IDT) predicts completion by Summer 2008.

Miller reportedly has been negotiating secretly with the IDT for the past several months. The hitch in the Department's get-along was the local Amtrak train depot, which sits really close to the byway project. IDT has agreed to move the historic depot to a yet undisclosed location near some railroad tracks.

"This way the integrity of the station can remain intact," Miller said. "We're working with Amtrak to effect a smooth transition for passengers." Miller hinted of the possibility that, during the interim, local manufacturer Donny Cox might consider allowing passengers to sit on the rock garden near his plant while waiting to board the Amtrak. Cox processes lumber on Great Northern Road right next to the crossing.

Miller remained mum on possible sites for relocation of the depot but stood firm on some upcoming IDT clearcuts planned for the byway construction area.

"That's why those trees can go down now," Miller explained in response to his veto of a recent City Council unanimous decision to ask that trees along the proposed construction route be spared until a firm date for construction had been sealed in cement.

Dateline, unknown: World Wide Weekly News to cease truthful reporting---August 27 will see the last edition of the World Weekly News, which some folks have always called the World Wide Weekly News.

Anywho, the paper is going down after years of Pulitzer Prize-level reporting of newsworthy events arrogantly cast aside by other mainstream newspapers: dinosaurs shooting out of Old Faithful, two-headed dogs winning the National Canine look-alike contest, women named Maud who joined the circus to sit on flagpoles and spit watermelon seeds at cotton candy vendors, and even sinkholes in subterranean tunnels swallowing up tourists in resort towns.

The World Weekly News reported it all, attracting followers from all ilks, even purple-haired aliens who landed in mini-saucers on Dover Bluff, long before Ralph bought it. During its long run, some public school teachers even disguised themselves and purchased the paper at the supermarket check-out stand for the purpose of imposing World Wide Weekly news parody assignments on their students.

"How will we ever replace what this paper has done for hungry readers with a fetish for the bizarre?" one WWW News longtime subscription holder asks. "This stuff is far juicier than anything on the Jerry Springer show." Sources say that it's doubtful Jerry Springer cares about that put-down cuz he's got a new job humoring talented Americans.

There's hope, in spite of the paper's upcoming demise. A local North Idaho blogger has indicated interest in replicating the newspaper's style and subject matter. This yet unnamed writer believes there's plenty of material to maintain the spirit of WWW news coverage and to tantalize readers, hungry for good journalism. So, stay tuned.

Informed sources, who haven't interviewed anyone yet, say proposed paper's first edition will hit the streets the same day cattle trucks start rolling over the newly constructed bypass around Sandpoint or the moment the relocation of Sandpoint's historic train depot is announced--whichever comes first. And, that's a promise!