Calling All Saints: Newton's Apple Has Worm Holes

Indianapolis Colts? Who Dat?

My friend, Helen Newton, sent some prognostications to the Bonner County Daily Bee, and they got printed in the sports section this morning.

She sez the Colts are gonna decimate the Saints just like Katrina did the Big Easy.

Now, dem's fightin' words!

Helen, who just went off City Council a week ago, has found a new way to play with facts and figures and relativity.

Well, I've got relativity. And, Helen, you've got problems!

My relativity feels pretty saintly lately, and when my relativity spots holes in a present-day Newton's logic, it's time to talk.

I'm sorry Helen, but I can't take a bite out of your prognostication apple when it comes to who dem players are dat's gonna win the Super Bowl. Your apple fell far from the tree of wisdom on this one.

Hail Mary, full of grace, you Methodist friend of mine, I'm sorry, but it's gonna be Saints all da way!

Let me plead my case, and let's still be friends when this is all over. In fact, here's the deal, Helen.

After the Saints win the Super Bowl, I'll take you down to Trinity and you can order up a big bowl of gumbo, compliments of me.

If the Colts win, you have to buy me the biggest cheeseburger Hoot Owl has to offer.

And, yeah, I really like hamburger. I don't particularly care for Jumbalaya cuz of the the rice and the creepy critters they put in it.

And, on your literary point, Truman Capote sure did write some compelling fiction but so did William Faulkner (not my fav but he's pretty famous and he did get his start in the Big Easy).

When you talk musicians, you totally forget about Louie and Wynton. For Heaven's Sake, Wynton even came here to Sandpoint . . . a coupla times and played pick-up basketball at Lakeview Park with some of the high school kids.

Doesn't that, as a former City Council person who watched over what happens in City Parks, doesn't that mean anything to you, Helen?

I'll grant that Midwestern roots are nice; in fact, that's all that runs through my veins, but, gollee gee, Helen, my kids are half Luziannan! How could I lend your predictions my full support with that kind of relativity? Huh???

And, one thing you didn't even mention in your flawed reasoning, Helen, was horses vs. halos.

Now, that would have won some points with me cuz I know a lot more about horses than I do saints. After all, I'll be the first to admit that "I ain't no Saint."

But I married a "saint" FROM Luzianna, and, on this one, I'll have to just leave the horses in the barnyard nibbling on their hay, open all the other gates and let those Saints go rushing in.

Helen, with all due respect to you, my dear friend, I think you got it wrong on this one.

And, since the City Council won't touch that "no texting in town" ordinance you put before them before ending your tenure, I'd happily text you a message on my cell phone out here in Selle:

SAINTS ALL THE WAY!

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