It's a horn of plenty

I wanted to discuss more than mud yesterday, but I got so excited about reconnecting with Mr. Partridge that the other somewhat related topic had to go by the wayside. Yesterday's topic did elicit a nice response on Facebook.

Betsy of Elmira wrote on my wall and told me to look at the photo she had posted there. It showed the last two pair of pants she had worn, and, by gollee, those sand hills up there at Elmira have a little yuck stuff blended into the mix. But then again, maybe it was mud imported into Elmira from her car's running board.

Betsy's pant legs were covered with streaks of dried mud. I'm sure a few other similar photos exist, but seeing muddy pants from Elmira is very "spatial," as my friend and former student Vern would say.

The other topic I wanted to discuss was my new shoe horn. Actually, I think it's the first shoe horn I've ever purchased. I bought it the other day at Wal-Mart. That was after going to Payless Shoes across the street.

It's that little, lonely looking store that just kinda sits there by the Schweitzer traffic lights, and whenever I roll to a stop for a red light, I look over there and always wonder how it stays open. It's been there through thick and thin, even though its parking lot never seems too overcrowded.

As Bill says, he sees cars there some times so it must have customers. There actually was another car in the lot when I pulled up there for the first time in my life the other day. I walked inside and asked the clerk (very nice lady) if she sold shoe horns.

"No, we don't," she said. "I usually have a supply to give away, but I'm out right now. I've been asking them to send me some but haven't received them."

Stunned that a shoe store would not have shoe horns, I said thank you and left. Fortunately, my search didn't last long cuz I found one, unlike any shoe horn I'd ever seen, hanging on a display rack at the end of a Wal-Mart shoe aisle.

It was 24 inches long, and its metal scoop looked a bit insufficient for pushing my big heel into a shoe. I looked around for an old familiar shoe horn, ya know, the pretty silver models with the big scoop and little loop at the end, the kind you had to bend over to use.

Well, they've been talking a lot about obesity in this nation lately, and it could be the new style of shoe horns are contributing to the problem. With these models, there's no bending needed, unless you're Wilt the Stilt or Kobe Bryant. I wonder if they make special four-foot shoe horns for those guys.

Why was I buying a shoe horn, you may ask. Well, here's the story, and here's how it has to do with mud and stinky stuff on the feet. I have a pair of low-cut boots, which have, after plenty of downtown wear, turned into my barn boots. My other trusty pair, which stunk to high heavens, started leaking every time I came within two feet of a water puddle.

So, I figured early in the winter, that I'd change over to the downtown pair and maybe get a new pair for town from Bill for Christmas. After all, once boots pick up barn poop smell, the stink stays there forever, so I'd need a new pair for sure.

In the winter time, while wearing boots, when it gets cold, I like to wear thick socks to keep my feet warm. For the past several months with those thick socks, I've had a heckuva time pushing my left heel down into that rather snug boot without breaking down its back.

So, I've been sticking my index finger in there every morning, sometimes getting it stuck deep within the boot. Sometimes I have to just plain yank the finger out, but the boot back has stayed firm.

My finger hasn't done so well, though, from all that punishment. I was noticing the other day while riding my horse with no gloves and then on another day while riding my bike with no gloves that my index finger gets a lot colder than the others. It could be the arthritis or the constantly aggravated knuckle that's screaming out for some relief.

So, finally, I decided to give the finger a rest from the morning boot routine. Pulling a tablespoon out of the silverware drawer, I substituted it for the finger. Well, I got my foot down inside the boot without breaking its back, but try as I might, I could not pry the spoon out.

Have you ever tried to walk around the kitchen with a tablespoon stuck in your shoe?

Not easy. Finally, I took the boot off, used the poor finger and went on my way, determined to get a shoe horn.

After three days of practicing with this newer, longer model, I've gotten the hang of it, and the boot comes on fairly easily. I showed Bill the new shoe horn, and he was quite struck with its different appearance, just as I had been.

When I complained that I had to fork out $6 for it, he suggested that I put it to multi-use.

"Next time a dog has an accident here in the house, you can just grab that and scoop it up without having to bend over," he said.

After hearing that, I figured I got a pretty good buy on my newest and first-ever "horn aplenty."