WARNING: Graphic imagery within the text. Read at your own risk, and if you don't want to read, just enjoy the flowers.
I haven't tried it yet, but it sounded like a good idea. One of my Facebook friends announced to her friends yesterday that she was doing her work with a frozen water bottle stuffed in her bra.
To which another responded that she had just put two wet bras in the freezer.
To which even one more suggested stuffing a frozen water bottle in the undies' upper-butt section.
To which yet a fourth responder suggested wearing frozen undies.
I'm gonna keep monitoring this conversation because as it continues to be stifling hot, these Mothers of Invention may just help me make it through the next day AND WEEK(S).
I also saw a couple of photos on Facebook with two kids sitting in two ice chests. Only problem with that is that my buns might not fit inside a cold chest. And, if I could force them in, Bill might have to go get a crowbar to pry me out.
Bill's not always around when the disasters happen around the Lovestead. Yesterday, he beat the heat by standing in the Moyie River with his fly rod. He said it was still pretty hot and quoted 103 for Bonners Ferry.
Friday night I saw a longtime friend glowing like nobody I've ever seen 'cept maybe folks pumping hot iron in a sauna.
I say "glowing" because some ladylike soul from a finishing school taught me long ago---I think it was at Camp Neewahlu if my hot brain can remember correctly----that "horses sweat, men perspire and women glow."
So, let's just say this lady friend of mine was "glowing" profusely.
"I don't do heat," she said as she greeted me, almost instantly repeating, "I don't do heat."
Could be the heat was getting to her.
Then, she informed me that at home she dresses like Daisy Mae, only with fewer clothes.
It was too hot for me to conjure up that image. She was wearing appropriate clothes when I saw her cuz it was public function.
Had I known just how emphatically this friend didn't do heat---after reading about my other friend walking around her garden with a frozen water bottle between the boobs and the other with a frozen water bottle between the buns---I certainly would have suggested to my glowing friend to give those summertime accessories a try.
As for me, where's Big Blue when I need it? I gave up my cantankerous Big Blue blow-up swimming pools two years ago when a bunch of green stuff started forming and growing in the 4,000 gallons of Oden water I'd put in the pool.
No chemicals on this earth could deter that green slime, so I caved and decided no more Big Blues on this place.
Besides, when I went to empty out the slimy water in the fall and used the tractor loader, a sharp edge on the loader bucket put a big slit in Big Blue's bottom.
So, last year when it got hot---and it did several times---I went without the usual jump in the pool with all my clothes on while Bert Wood's cows watched. Those refreshing experiences, complete with bovine voyeurism---were always followed by a few hours of bliss as I strolled around the Lovestead, happily employing the North Idaho drip dry to keep cool.
If the clothes dried and I felt the heat, I simply jumped in again and let those wet clothes and bra, minus a frozen water bottle, keep me refreshed for another few hours.
Life was good then.
It's not good now cuz, like my glowing friend, I don't do heat either.
And, I've been glowing with regularity over the past couple of days. My only recourse here at the Lovestead without Big Blue has been to do a lot of watering in my garden and in my pastures.
That way the hose can dribble on my toes, and I can pretend that it's not really 100 degrees at 6 p.m.
Of course, most of yesterday's stifling heat went by BEFORE I read the Facebook friend's water-bottle approach. So, there's a new option on the table----or should i say in the freezer---for today's predicted killer heat.
In the meantime, the fans are turning, and the morning could be bearable cuz I have to water the gardens.
As for the afternoon, I don't know. Just in case, though, don't tell anyone, but I may put a few Aquafina bottles in the freezer.
After all, I read this week that they might be tainted with some kind of people killer organism, so if the company is smart, they might just latch upon the Facebook friend's idea with the bra approach and cut their losses.
Of course, after all this discussion of practical keep cool approaches, I realize that today's post has lacked an equal opportunity approach.
I forgot to consider the sweating horses and perspiring men who do not wear bras.
For those men who do, you're in good shape, and there are other possibilities for our male friends, but I don't think I'll go there.
Last night when I saw big wet patches spreading from my horse Lefty's buns, I thought about getting a frozen water bottle, but figured Lefty might protest if I tried to insert it in an appropriate spot. Having a horse hoof landing in my face did not seem appealing.
Did I just read what I just wrote? Sounds a little crazy to me. Oh well, I've heard insanity sets in when your brain is fried and your body is glowing.
Happy Sunday. Stay cool.
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