The Eyes Have It

I endured an eye exam yesterday----first time in about a quarter century.  

The ordeal wasn't too hard, except that with my lifelong test-taking anxiety, the technician and I couldn't quite get my head lined up perfectly for my right eye to zero in on the complete green circle which means it's time the technician to push the button and send a big amber wave of light flashing back into the eye. 

It eventually took two technicians to guide my head to the precise spot.  Kinda reminded me of the day, a few years ago, when it took two hairdressers to finger through my hair to determine that my early onset of "THE ITCH" was, indeed, NOT LICE. 

Eventually, during yesterday's session, all matched up and the machine captured decent pictures of both of my eyes for the doctor to analyze.   

As with just about everything else in my slightly off-kilter life, I received validation of a phenomenon I had already pretty much figured out about my elderly eyes.  

One is near-sighted; the other, far sighted.  

The doctor told me that's a bit odd but not completely a bad thing because each eye compensates for the other in different situations, meaning that I can see pretty clearly and pretty well---most of the time. 

My eyes are healthy. They've got good veins and no dirty cataracts to cloud them up.  

That made me happy.  Anything that's deemed healthy at this stage in life tends to give us a new lease on our lives. 

My situation presented a bit of a problem for the "what to do, what to do" part of the session, but we worked it out. I'll be getting a couple of pairs of glasses to wear during those times when my vision team could use a little help.

Guess that means no more trips to the Co-Op to by the 2 for $10 cheaters.  I was noticing a while back that whatever power the cheap spectacles happened to be, I still had some problems.

And, now that I know for sure I'm an odd duck when it comes to eyes, the cheaters will just have to lie around collecting dust in their 19.5 different venues around the house, in the car and even out in the barn. 

Before getting the official word through the eye exam yesterday, I was thinking about ways of putting off going to a professional and paying big bucks to see better.

In one wild brainstorm, I thought about carrying around some duct tape strips and simply taping a strip over one eye while the other focused on far-off road signs and the Gonzaga scores on the TV set. 

When moving to the computer screen, I could rip the strip off the right eye and plaster it over the other. 

Then, I thought about my eyebrows.  I do have eyebrows, ya know!  They aren't very pretty, but, unlike some women my age who use pencils above their eyes, my eyebrows are just as real as they were when I was a child. 

The thought of ripping a strip of duct tape from my brows and possibly taking an additional strip of eyebrow with it did not appeal.  It would probably hurt and very likely render me really unfit for a Golden Girls beauty pageant. 

So, that idea fizzled into oblivion, and I started thinking about my Co-Op specials.  

I could gather up the household connection, test the vision through each when covering up one eye at a time, and when I found the right fit, just remove the lens from the side that needed no help. 

My friend Helen told me that Bill may not want to be seen with in public with me if I resorted to that idea while reading a menu in a local restaurant.  

And, if Bill would balk, I could only imagine my kids' reaction to seeing Mom look at the Hoot Owl menu through her one-lens Co-Op cheaters.  

But come to think of it, I COULD just leave the unneeded lens in the glasses, slap on some duct tape and have no worries about pulling out a strip of my eye brows when the eye no longer needed a cover-up.  

Wonder how the kids would go for that look!  Worse things---like a really loud nose blower---have happened in the company of my kids at the Hoot Owl!  My kids would not stop laughing at that nose blower, so we had to leave before even finishing our giant Hoot Owl burgers. 

After considerable thought and a firm desire to be seen with my family members on all future public encounters I finally broke down, made the appointment and survived the test.  

It was actually kinda fun trying out styles, and that process didn't take long.  

The optician on duty has an eye for what ought to dress up other people's eyes.  She picked out the first pair, pulled it from the the display, and we both agreed they looked great on me.

Then, however, she showed me another pair which had a lovely feature---rotating ear pieces.  So, with my two new pairs of glasses---due to grace my face in about ten days---I have two different styles of ear pieces. 

Soon I'll be seeing all those Gonzaga men's basketball scores in those little, skinny banners on the TV screen with ease, and if I don't like what I see, I can always take my glasses off. 

Happy Wednesday.  Congrats to the ZAGS Kyle Wiltjer, voted CBS Pre-Season Player of the Year.  Pretty cool!