Wipe OUT

Bill took this photo at Super 1 in Bonners Ferry yesterday.

I could have taken a similar one at Yoke's about the same time as I watched the last of their supply go into a cart.

One toilet paper purchaser told me she had just been to Wal-Mart where the TP was all gone. 

From a Twitter tweet:  Humor is the last thing you lose.

From me:  humor is as basic as food, water and warmth, especially during tough moments. 

I remember early in the Trump presidency reading a tweet proclaiming that news was flying so fast and furiously that there was hardly had time to go to the bathroom. 

By the time this person had done their business, they said  six new outrageous things had happened.

Yesterday that tweet came reverberating back.  

Only yesterday, it seemed as if the pace for news events had picked up considerably from those days back in 2017.  

Yesterday the news was was erupting from hundreds of fronts---the NCAA (tears), Disneyland, late night TV, the White House, Congress, political campaigns, Iraq, etc. 

It also seems, based on some of my other observations yesterday, that the pace for rabid news consumers could be a good thing, especially with our collective bathroom habits and all that toilet paper disappearing from grocery store shelves.

After a trip to Yoke's yesterday---while I was genuinely just buying food for the sake of eating---numerous other shoppers appeared to be filling their carts with lots of food in efforts to hide the fact that they had really showed up at the store, just to get all the toilet paper they could stuff into their cart.

For the record, I had showed up at the grocery store just the day before, ostensibly purchasing a giant bottle of A-1 sauce for my steak-loving daughter who likes to have a little steak with her sauce, thank you. 

Having steak sauce in hand gave me the ticket to sneak over to the toilet paper aisle, scoot by and grab a couple of packages of Scott toilet paper.  

As an aside, for years, Scott has been my toilet paper brand of choice because my brother once worked for Scott Paper company---after a stint with Charmin in Green Bay.  

Mike got into the toilet paper business after completing his Army career, noting that "people would always need toilet paper." 

Seems pretty visionary, especially during these times.

Well, Wednesday, after arriving at my shopping destination, hoping for a hit-and-run toilet paper grab, I ran into an obstacle.  

What was left of the Scott tissue supply sat on the top shelf at the very back.  While visiting with a friend who had happened by, I pondered just how I was going to grab my bags and go. 

When our conversation and we said our good bye's, I turned around, stretched that arm and those fingers as far as they could extend, and, by golly, happily nabbed two packages of Scott TP. 

For the record, my plan in getting my supply actually had nothing to do with a desire to hoard.  

Annie was coming home that afternoon, and I had noticed that our supply was down to the last rolls.  Somewhat unusual, because I usually stay a couple of packages ahead. 

So, we really did need those two four-roll packs. 

   

This how about this toilet paper hoarding situation, strange as it seems to curious folks who can't find a relationship between lung problems and needing to wipe one's lower extremities.

I'm thinking, though, that this situation of hoarding your Charmin might just help out the sick economy.

After all, people buy all that food as a cover for their toilet paper obsession, and the stock market could improve. 

In fact, maybe it's time for me to call up my financial consultant and say, "Ken, take whatever's left in my portfolio and get me all the toilet paper company stocks you can buy."

Also, while pondering the lightning fast news events and going to the john.  

Could be also that 35 news events unfolding every three minutes or so could save the need for toilet paper.  

After all, in the case of news junkies like me, who also never met a bathroom they didn't like, don't want to miss one nugget of news, our trips to the bathroom could subside, thus saving on toilet paper shortages.  

It all adds up, ya know. 

Seriously, though, the same is true with individual respect for the world situation. 

Individual efforts add up. 

We like to think of ourselves as infallible.  We like to think that we would never wantonly contribute to the problem of those highly contagious germs spreading throughout the planet making all those people sick.  

I'll be the first to admit my selfishness regarding travel plans and having to find a whole new outlet/escape now that March Madness has turned to March Sadness. 

I also know that my personal desires are relative.  They are BIG to me and any disappointments that I face hit my emotions deeply. 

Still, I realize that in this world of the unknown we are probably a lot wiser to respect suggested precautions. 

Heck if that kitchen counter and my hands are cleaner than ever before because I'm obsessively washing them, what does that hurt?  

We have entered difficult, unforeseen times, and it's taking some major adjustments to our habits and especially to our psyche. 

Those very thoughts came out in a family meeting last night where we discussed our future plans.  

It was a comforting time because family members expressed how they feel personally but how they recognize the importance of maintaining a sense of responsibility, both individually and collectively. 

And, we laughed a lot, especially when Debbie placed the six-pack of "Apolcalypse" beer on the kitchen island.  

And ya know, it tastes pretty good. 

As noted above, humor is essential, even if it's a bit dark at times.  

So, keep a firm grip on your humor, learn the facts about what's happening with this virus, respect them, do what you think is right and know that we're all in this together.

And, good luck with your toilet paper.  

Should you run out, I have a "BIF" strategy learned years ago when I worked for the Forest Service. 

 All you have to do is find a square of paper (or if you're in the forest and really desperate, a big green leaf works), fold into quarters.  At the tip of the fold, tear off a portion large enough to for your index finger pass through. 

Carry it with you in your pocket.  

In an emergency, pull out your homemade "tissue," stick your index finger through the hole, wipe as needed and with the paper surrounding the your index finger, clean off the finger by pulling the paper upward.  

Then, go wash your hands thoroughly. 

Crazy, yes, but ya never know. 

Happy Friday.