Have No Fear! Ha!

 

Bri from North Idaho Dermatology, a big help in my overcoming a fearful day.  Bri is one dynamic young woman AND a new friend. 


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One of the goals I set for myself earlier this year was to overcome some of my lifelong fears.  

Fear, especially anticipatory anxiety,  has been a staple in my life, probably ever since my brothers used to scare the beejeebers out of me by planting themselves in hidden pockets of our woods and then laying in wait for their little sister to walk by. 

They relished the fact that when one of them would let out the biggest, scariest growl ever, my immediate reaction would include a loud scream and an about-face, followed by running as fast as my legs could carry me back to the house. 

Since those days, my fear of bears and other wild creatures attacking me while walking by myself in any wooded area has followed me all the days of my life.

People find it hard to believe, but I also harbor constant fear when having to speak in public.  It wasn't a problem with teaching or with horse-show announcing, but with any other public speaking events, I have agonized for days ahead of time and right up to the minute of said events. 


I'm also deathly afraid of doctors' offices and have probably mentioned that before in this blog. 

So, without going into too much detail, I can report that earlier this year one nurse practitioner was nice enough to meet me over the phone and just talk as we agreed that I would be her patient if she would be my medical provider.  She said yes. 

This situation was not too unusual for these times, because of the Pandemic and a general reluctance for many people to go to doctors' offices. 

For the past three months, I have been concerned about a skin abnormality on my leg. 

I kept the situation completely to myself because, along with my fear, comes a hesitancy about sharing personal medical concerns with anyone, all to avoid what could be unnecessary worry or because of another weird quirk---drawing uncomfortable attention to myself. 

Some may find this strange since I tend to be very outgoing and don't mind certain kinds of attention but some levels of attention I simply cannot embrace.

  Medical issues definitely fall in that category.

Over a lifetime, I have learned that the problem with not sharing our concerns is that we shoulder the entire burden. 

That can be difficult, especially when we become fixated on the fact that something might be wrong and the mystery behind it can dominate every private moment of our lives. 

So, with the skin problem, I finally told Bill, adding to my comfort zone by announcing that I was not going to a doctor until I felt safe to do so because of the Pandemic.  

Eventually, that excuse fell by the wayside after we were fully vaccinated. 

So, one day while driving to town, I gave myself an option:  you can either drive right by, or you can pull into the parking lot of North Idaho Dermatology, walk into the building, go to the desk and make an appointment. 

Then, I kept reminding myself that "this is the year you're going to overcome your fears." 

Achieving goals has always been an important driver in our family; moreover, being a quitter has never been acceptable on the list of goals. 

Well, the combination of those thoughts helped drive me to that appointment desk.  Then, thankfully, that part of the deed was done. 

It would be three weeks before I would have to appear confront the next fear, to show up for my appointment. That gave me comfort. 

Besides, I privately reasoned that whatever that anomaly happened to be might even go away in that time and then I could cancel my appointment just like I did a few years ago when I had a similar oddity on the side of my nose. 

IT did fall off! 

I was saved. 

Well, this time the questionable item has held firmly on to my leg day after day.  Since telling Bill about it, I also informed the rest of my family and even had my doctor friend take a look at it. 

All of those baby steps did not make honoring my appointment any easier.  Another ploy I used during those three weeks was vagueness with just when the appointment happened to be. 

So, at 9 a.m. yesterday morning, as Bill was going out the door with Kiwi to collect some wood, I told him I would be gone when he came back----to the dermatology appointment. 

"Do you want me to go with you?" he teased. 

"NO! That's exactly why I didn't tell you.  I didn't what to have to put up with your flack," I snapped back. 

Bill does like to tease and sometimes on personal matters, it's just not my cup of tea. 

And, so, I left, and while driving to the clinic, took a whole bunch of deep breaths, silently coaching myself with "You can do this" thoughts. 

Now comes the good part of the story:  a lovely, reassuring staff at the desk as I checked in, some friends in the waiting room who kept me talking rather than thinking and then Bri. 

When Bri came to retrieve me, I felt instant comfort.  She led me to the a room, chatting all the time and reassuring me that I had nothing to fear. 

Talking is SO helpful in these situations and being with professionals who understand patient fear has a way of controlling those beejeebers which make you want to jump up and flee the scene, much like the brothers' bear growls did so long ago. 

When Dr. Riter walked in, I felt even better.  She turned out to be as advertised, very nice and very understanding of the crazy lady with the skin mystery. 

In 15 minutes or so, it was all over, and after a couple of treatments in a few weeks, I'll be looking back on this situation, maybe kicking myself once more for my unwarranted fear but also proud and relieved that, with help from the professionals like Dr. Riter and Bri, I progressed a step in meeting my goal of shedding the fraidy-cat syndrome. 

Thanks, North Idaho Dermatology Staff.  You are the best!
 

Thursday Throwbacks . . . .As a diversion this morning from yesterday's sloppy snow event, I picked out some photos from different seasons, taken about six years ago.  Enjoy the escape, and enjoy the fact that similar scenes will be coming soon to beautiful North Idaho.