On Maintenance for Maui

I bought the new underwear yesterday---10 pair. I also bought some press-on toenails for sitting on the beach. There's the necessary bottle of Advil for the headaches, and I might even get a new pair of sunglasses, since my most recent pair has a smudge in the upper left corner of the left frame.

Those smudges can drive a person nuts in North Idaho sun; I can imagine how irritating they can be beneath the orb of Paradise.

My hairdresser told me to wait until the day before I leave to get my hair zapped, so I'll have a fresh do for the big adventure. I thought that was nice and wise of her.

Sorry to my dear friend Janis, I have been doing a little tanning at the tanning booth. After you insisted that I use enhancement lotion instead, I checked with my perpetually beautiful friend Kathy and asked her about the tanning situation.

She said she tans in the booths, and she said the tanning lotion would be good but to be careful around the rough patches of skin cuz if you're not careful during the application, you might end up with ugly stains in those spots. Knowing my track record in "if there's an ugly way to do it, Marianne can find it," I opted for the beds.

I've been using a pumpkin-flavored lotion while tanning at a nice place in Ponderay, owned by a former student Ben McCord. It's called Sunrise Tans, and Ben has been very nice to his old teacher. Since going there, I learned that my horseshoer, John Fuller and his wife Vickie, are regular customers of Sunrise Tans, so it's got to be okay.

Yup, there's a trip coming up, and I'll be spending the week getting the essentials in order. I announced to Bill yesterday that I had purchased new underwear.

"It's obligatory, ya know for trips," I said. "Didn't you buy new underwear when you went to Mt. St. Helens this summer?"

He nodded.

If I recall correctly, I may have purchased six pair before we went to Chicago in May. So, why did I need to buy ten more pair yesterday?

Well, underpants, like socks, have a habit of disappearing. In between washes, I'm usually can find four clean pair in the overstuffed sock, bra and panty drawer.

Since I'm going to be in Maui for a week, four pair won't pack it. Annie tells me the condo has a washer and dryer so there's really no earthly reason why I need to follow that policy. Nonetheless, I feel more comfortable knowing I have an ample supply of panties with no hole in the seat or ragged edges.

It might have something to do with that old saying, "If you're in an accident, make sure you have clean underwear." Somehow it's drilled into us by reminders from a young age, and it's also drilled into us by example. I can remember my mother, in preparation for a trip, always going to the store to get new underwear and maybe even a new bra.

A pressing question does come to mind about this phenomenon in life, "What if you don't go on very many trips?" Well, just imagine what that underwear must look like if it has to last ten years in between vacations.

In my case, since I've purchased 16 pair this year, so I should be good for a long, long time, maybe even the rest of my life. We'll see.

In the meantime, I do wonder about another aspect of going on trips. Why do we wait until vacations to do all that personal maintenance?

Why do we allow ourselves to be utter slobs in between jetting off to Paradise or heading for the Windy City? Who even gives a hoot when we're far, far from home?

In most cases, we're not going to see anyone we know, so why should our undergarments or our perfect toenails even matter? Tanning before going to the beach seems practical since I don't want to be a lobster from Day Two through Seven. And, having a new hair zap will be nice.

Still, it seems a little crazy that we go to all this work to go where nobody knows our name, our face or gives a rip about the status of our underwear. Shouldn't we care most about the opinions of those who care most about us, as opposed to perfect strangers?

I don't know the answer to this question, even though I do ponder it every time I prepare for a trip. I guess it's just one of those inexplicable aspects of being human and having a touch of vanity, or maybe it's just because going on a trip gives us an excuse to splurge on new panties.

Whatever the case, I'll be prepared while walking through Spokane Airport Thursday with a sense of supreme confidence, knowing that if I get in an accident on this trip, I'm wearing brand new, squeaky clean cotton briefs.