Get Me Some Bull Durham . . . .

Howdy, Podners!  

It's Western Week at my mother's residence, and the telephone has been ringing off the hook.  

"I need a hat," she said during the first call at just after 7 a.m.  "I'm all dressed, but I need a hat." 

"Okay, I'll see what I can find," I said.

"I don't have boots . . . ya know I haven't had boots for years," she added.  

"Okay," I said, knowing she'd never get her feet into a pair of cowboy boots, so I was off the hook on that one.

"Get me another one of those neckerchiefs," she said. "I need a blue one . . .this one (pink one) you got me yesterday is too girlish."

I found her a nice pink bandanna for $1.39 yesterday at Big R.  And, she loved it yesterday. 

"I thought you liked 'girlish,'" I said.

"No, everything I've got on today is blue, so I need a blue one," she added.

"It'll be a while before I get down there," I told my mother.

"Well, I'm going downstairs now," she announced.

"I mean it may be a few hours," I explained. "Big R doesn't open until later."   

"Okay," she said.

I sat down to finish reading the newspaper.

The phone rang.

"I need a belt," she said.  "What do you think about a gun?  One of the girls came by and said she'd find me a gun."

"No guns," I said, amazed that my sisters would be allowing her to carry a gun at The Bridge.

"Yeah, you're right," she agreed.  "Good bye."

"Good bye."

Just got back into reading the newspaper story about good health when the phone rang again.

"Could you get me some Bull Durham?"

"You're not gonna roll yourself one, are you?" I asked.

"No, just hang it from my pocket . . . any kind of tobacco." 

"Okay," I said.

Before finishing the newspaper, I satisfied a deep sense of urgency to call my sisters to see which one had offered our 90-year-old mother the gun so she could be a pistol packin' mama.

Neither had.

Must have been one of the girls at Mother's residence.

So, as I write, it's 7:39.  My mother is half-way dressed for Western day, and I've got assignments this morning.  

Seems that I'd have to break into my sisters' house to steal a Western hat and a belt. So, I'll see what I can find in town.  

Maybe I'm gonna have to call my friend Boots Reynolds and tell get him to get over there to visit my mother, whom he likes to claim as his second or third wife.

Now that would add some zing to her day. 

In the meantime, it looks like a busy one ahead on this end.  
Why DOES this seem so much like Homecoming Week at the high school?

Also, I wonder if I'll even have time to put together my own Western ensemble for  when I dine on victuals at my mother's place.